Is it Okay if Sometimes I Can’t Conquer?

‘But nobody is perfect’ – Let’s grow into perfection

Something that you probably don’t hear a lot but it is 100% true is that You Can Conquer. The way in which you conquer life is not through the events you go to or the number of people you talk to at school or uni, IT IS THROUGH YOUR ATTITUDE…

Let me explain…

When I often do something that would usually cause me anxiety; it’s the confidence that I have in myself that I love. What I mean by this is that I feel happy with myself that I actually went forth and did something because throughout all of my life, anxiety has told me ‘you can’t do that, you don’t have the skills! Or ‘you can’t do that because you’re not confident enough’ It’s the feeling of knowing that you can do something is all that matters. However, things in life have come and knocked that attitude and confidence to ‘conquer’ situations away. It has really messed with my self- confidence, as I’ve always wanted to be someone who didn’t let their anxiety stop them. I never wanted to say no to events that I knew would be fun or that would help me in some way but ‘anxiety’ doesn’t care about that; all it cares about is making you feel horrible about doing something so you go ahead and don’t do it and then  afterwards making you feel guilty because you didn’t go. I’ll tell you that I’ve had several moments like these; if anything I’m actually experiencing it right now!! I won’t go into what the situation is but let’s just say I’m feeling those emotions especially because like I said, I don’t like saying no to situations when I know I can fight through it. You can ask anybody in my family, I get really sad when I can’t do something. They could give me the best advice and tell me that it’s fine that I can’t do that one thing as it won’t really benefit me in the long run, but for some reason I just feel like I’m letting myself down.

I’ll let you into a story that explains, for the most part, why I feel like this. After reflecting on 2018, I realised I didn’t want to hide away anymore and I wanted to make the most of every situation as I only live a specific day once. In the past I haven’t taken advantage of purposeful situations where I know God has placed them in my life to benefit me; I was too scared to do anything that was out of my comfort zone. So, I told myself I would make 2019 the year where I will do anything that God wants me to, and step out my comfort zone and face my challenges so that I can become a better person. I always thought really, up until writing this post that that was the only way I could show my confidence towards situations and yes that is the way in which we conquer but also we conquer through having an attitude that shows how incredible we are. I don’t even know if I’m making sense right now, haha but what I mean to say is that it’s through approaches to these situations that count.

We should never force ourselves to ‘crack out of our shell really quickly’ ( yet I still do…) In non-metaphorical terms, don’t worry if it takes you some time to feel completely comfortable in a situation. Also if you’ve done something that caused you anxiety prior to a situation and afterwards, that is a sign that whatever it is isn’t right for you. Do not think that you have to do something, loads and loads of times, even if it causes you to feel unwell, to conquer through your anxiety. Yes, anxiety takes time and patience, especially if you’re doing something that you’ve never done before and is completely different to what you usually do but like I was talking about earlier, you will be able to know when you’ve conquered something and that that specific ‘thing’ that you’ve done is right for you. I was talking to a friend the other day about a similar topic and I said sometimes anxiety confuses us. Most people think that anxiety has been created to stop us and our goal should be to do whatever it takes to fight through it and yes that is true( of course…) but I also believe that anxiety can be a good thing. Maybe it’s just because of my Christian beliefs but I think that in some cases anxiety stops us from doing the wrong thing and therefore we shouldn’t feel bad if we haven’t gone ahead and done something. We have to be able to distinguish and identify what our anxiety is telling us before we go ahead and make ourselves feel bad. That may sound stupid to some people but for me, the way I’ve always seen it is ‘what is the outcome of this situation going to be. Am I going to like the outcome, will it help character development or will it make me feel 100% worse about myself.’ Previously people have invited me to parties and yes I admit I did feel sad when I would see pictures online and it would make me feel regretful of my decision (blog post coming on this topic soon) but when I looked at the situation more wisely I realised my anxiety stopped me from being a victim to peer pressure and possibly If I had gone, I would’ve felt lonely all night and I know I can’t assume what would’ve happened but If I had to guess It would’ve been something along those lines. Sorry, I’m totally going off topic (which is something you might have to accept about me haha) but the purpose of that story is to tell you that you will be able to know when something is right but also that it’s worth the anxiety you feel. Sadly, even when you eventually feel excited about doing something, anxiety will still take over and make you feel the same things over and over again BUT I want to encourage you to stick with it I promise you, the confidence you feel in yourself is amazing and is such a great feeling to have.  However I also want to encourage you to take breaks, if something is getting too much for you, just sit down and think over it, ‘will I feel much better after doing this or not?’. It’s also worth asking yourself, ‘is this going to benefit me in the long run?’ I know there have been situations, in the past where I’ve said no to something (like a restaurant meal) but I’ve realised that it hasn’t been Important to me in the long run. You probably don’t even remember what they were which shows small they are, in comparison to other things in your life now.

Don’t dwell on a time when you couldn’t go to something or do something because to be honest that’s normal and if anything sometimes it’s nice to just have a break from things in our life; which sounds bad but what I mean by it, is that when we may miss out on something, it’s never a bad thing. I don’t know.. You could catch up on some TV or this may even be a chance for you to complete some work that you’ve had piled up for ages. Also don’t be put off by the people around you who may be more confident than you and can go to the events that you can’t. Because one thing I’ve learnt over time is that we are all unique people and we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others because we each possess something different in our lives. Yes, they may be able to go to events without feeling anxious but you may have something that they desperately want in their life. That is a whole different conversation but my main point is that we often forget the skills we have because we want something else. Why don’t you make it your mission to discover what your quality is and then go ahead and be conquerors by using that skill or quality to benefit yourself? 

We don’t have to force ourselves to be people we’re not because we want to be projected as brave and independent, as to be honest nobody is. We all go through days when we can’t do something but that’s okay.

Love, Emily xx